The Best Tobias Funke quotes

I’m afraid that I just blue myself.

I like the way they shape my junk.

This is ripe for parody. This is ripe!

I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.

New Tobias Funke Quotes from Arrested Development Season 4

Can I get some more of that acting juice?

Things are good.   Nothing much.  I’m a registered sex offender, but things are good.

We are fucked.  Fucked. Unless some sort of miracle coincidence happens.  But, the best thing is to just walk away, and we’ll lick each others wombs.

Maybe I’ll do my famous “gay character”.  I don’t think you’ve seen that one.

You can do anything I want you to do.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha… That red haired lady can’t throw her wad at that guy.

Well universe, you seem to be putting up all sorts of walls between me and my dreams.

Is there a little girl here all by herself?  Daddy needs to get his rocks off.

I’m here to see my little girl.  I need to show her Daddy’s Thing.

These romantic gestures are perhaps why people think I’m a homosexual.

Am I the only one who still dresses to fly?

I’ve got a stick up my bunghole about what has become a running joke about me, but lets be honest, Michael, for 2000 rupees we’d both go down on Matthew McConaughey.

There we go, now I can see a pretty face under all that butter substitute.

It’s Okay.  Some people struggle with addiction.  Other people are incapable of ever being nude.

Oh no, there’s nothing ambiguous about me.  I’m Johnny Flamer, and this is Sue Storm.

Musicals & Lifetime

And this is “Kids”, from “Bye, Bye, Birdie”.

And this is “You’re A Bad, Bad, Man” from “Annie Get Your Gun.”

If this were a Lifetime Moment Of Truth movie, this would be our act break.

I Don’t Just Lie There

I just need to prove to my wife that I can act like a man. And it’s not about sex. I don’t just lie there, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Well, I’ve always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except, I wouldn’t want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though. Oh, but give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I’d jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn’t just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Random…

Perhaps an attic shall I seek…

Time for me to take off my receptionist skirt and put on my Barbara Streisand in the Prince Of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit.

If I may take off my acting pants for a moment and pull my analrapist stocking over my head…

Don’t leave your Uncle T-bag hanging!

And with deep, deep concentration and, and great focus, he’s often able to achieve an erec…

More of the Best Quotes

Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!

Oh, my God, we’re having a fire!!! Sale.

Ooh, I can taste those meaty, leading man parts in my mouth!

So Anne, the question is, do you want a man or a boy? I know how I would answer.

I’m the last cop you’ll ever want to mess with.

Guess what? There’s a new daddy in town. A discipline daddy!

Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?