Three Songs for Tobias Funke
Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans
Eiffel 65 – Blue
…and for you “Barbra Streisand in the Prince of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit” fans:
Barbra Streisand – I’d Rather Be Blue
Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans
Eiffel 65 – Blue
…and for you “Barbra Streisand in the Prince of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit” fans:
Barbra Streisand – I’d Rather Be Blue
Tobias: See, Buster, it wasn’t a loose seal you couldn’t stand up to, it was Lucille. Ooh, I’m getting chills. If this were a Lifetime Moment Of Truth movie, this would be our act break.
Narrator: But it wasn’t.
Tobias: So Anne, the question is, do you want a man or a boy? I know how I would answer.
[Michael catches George-Michael sneaking hard-boiled eggs to George Sr]
Michael: I think George-Michael is hiding Ann in the attic.
Lindsay: From who, the Nazis?
Michael: No, his girlfriend from me. I just caught him sneaking up to her in the attic and he clearly did so because he thinks I don’t approve. I think I’m gonna invite her to the wake. Why make him hide? Why do to him what… Why do to him what Dad used to do to me?
Lindsay: [sobbing] He was so amazing.
Michael: That was actually an example of how not so amazing he was. You’re really going through something here, huh?
Lindsay: I know. You know, it’s funny-all those years when I pretended to cry… I used to use Dad’s death to get me going. I tried it with Mom’s, but I’d just end up smiling and ruining it. But it feels, like, real. You know? And you haven’t really allowed yourself to grieve much at all, Michael.
Michael: My relationship with Dad was much more-much more complicated than yours. It was predicated a lot on secrets and lies. There wasn’t a lot of trust there.
Tobias: Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. I’m not gonna cry about my pa. I’m gonna buy an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? You can keep them bottled up, Michael, but they will come out. Sometimes in the most unexpected-
[opens refrigerator and looks inside]
Tobias: Hey, where the fuck are my hard-boiled eggs?

Tobias: You know, Michael, if I may take off my acting pants for a moment and pull my Analrapist stocking over my head, George Michael may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder”, or “The O.C. Disorder”.
Michael: Don’t call it that.
UPDATE: Arrested Development season 4 release date is May 26, 2013.
Tobias: You know, Mother Lucille, there’s a psychological concept known as denial, that I believe you’re evincing. It’s when a thought is so hateful that the mind literally rejects it.
Lucille: You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.
Tobias: Well, if she’s not going to say anything, I certainly can’t help her…
Tobias: Time for me to take off my receptionist skirt and put on my Barbra Streisand in the Prince Of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit.
Michael: What?
Hello, my name is Dr. Tobias Funke. I graduated with honors from Boston College and I did my post-graduate in psycho-linguistics at MIT.
And this is “You’re A Bad, Bad, Man” from “Annie Get Your Gun.”
I don’t think there is a clip or outtake of David Cross singing “You’re a Bad, Bad, Man” (that I know of), but you can listen here and use your imagination!