Gob: Good to see you old friend. What have you been up to?
Tobias: Things are good. Nothing much. I’m a registered sex offender, but things are good.
The Fantastic 4 Musical
written and directed by
Tobias Funke – MD, S.O.
(To Michael in the model home)
Tobias: Michael, I appreciate your bravery. I know, now, everything seems doomed. And I’m in a similar situation myself. But trust me – we are fucked. We are fucked. Fucked. Unless some sort of miracle coincidence happens. But, the best thing is to just walk away, and we’ll lick each others wombs. I guess I’m just going to have to give up my dream and my love forever.
Tobias: I’m going to go there with you for moral support. And I will act as your assistant. Maybe I’ll do my famous “gay character”. I don’t think you’ve seen that one.
Michael: I think I have.
Tobias: Mmm… I don’t think so.
Tobias: (To DeBrie) You can do anything I want you to do.
Tobias: (To all the children at Cinco de Cuatro) I’m a registered sex offender.
Tobias: That red haired lady can’t throw her wad at that guy.
Tobias: Well universe, you seem to be putting up all sorts of walls between me and my dreams.
Tobias: My schedule however, is as open as my relationship with my wife. So why don’t we pair up? And hit the town together! I’ll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
Michael: OK, that’s enough family stuff for today.
Michael: You don’t want to end up like Uncle Oscar, okay- living off handouts your whole life. Why don’t you come up with a way to make money? A suggestion of something to invest in, or maybe a business idea.
Tobias: Well, I’ve always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except, I wouldn’t want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though. Oh, but give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I’d jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn’t just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that’s what you’re thinking.
Michael: Actually, that time, that was what I was thinking.